Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Moving Forward and Looking Back

To start a little further back, I think I had some depression as a "tween". I remember my friend, Jessica coming over one day and when she got close enough to see me clearly, she was horrified. "Oh my god, I thought your hair was wet when I first walked in...when was the last time you washed your hair?!" Yeah, it had been a few days and it hadn't even occurred to me until then. I was too busy watching Stand By Me over and over and eating nothing but saltines and instant, flavored coffee. The funny thing is, I know my mom was in the kitchen when Jessi-kaka (my pet name for her) pointed out the obvious...but my mom had not said a peep about how strange I was acting.
Throughout my life, I've wondered what was "wrong" with me. When I look back on it now, I'm prone to wonder what was wrong with my parents. There were classic indicators of (sexual) abuse when I was a small child that continued into adolescence. I wonder, did they really believe that I was just "off" or something? I've learned that my mother can convince herself of anything and will not be swayed once she has...yes, they are "Justice Sunday" republicans!

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