Have you ever had one of those dreams that are so real you can feel them the next day? Like when someone does something to you in a dream and you feel mad at them even after you're awake? The other night, I dreamt that Jedd was having an affair with an older woman from his job. He was such an ass about it too. When I said she was old, he sneered, "She doesn't look old." Bleh, vomit. The worst part was that I was staying with him. It's really strange when you feel something very real in a dream that you've never felt in real life. In the dream I was afraid he would go be with her if I left him, he didn't really love me but I was staying with him anyway. I know there are those women but I'd really like to believe I'm not one of them. I woke from the dream feeling so defeated. It's strange, I would expect to carry the feelings of pain and anger and betrayal but what I felt was trampled over and weak. Which is why if he ever really cheated I would have to leave.
We'd been joking about the dream all day yesterday. Then his best friend called and told him he had a dream in which Jedd told him he was having an affair with someone at work. Now, maybe I've been watching too much Medium, but that's just weird. I already have gigantic trust issues anyway. It's always in the back of my mind that one day I'll find out that Jedd isn't even remotely similar to the person I think he is. He is really some mysoginist, a womanizer whose life revolves around the lie he's created with me and our entire life together has been a game for him. Which really is crazy if you know Jedd! Except that he really does like to lie...and he has said that if I ever leave I have to take the kids...hmm...
6 years ago