Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Check It

So far so good. Kenai has not had another seizure. She had an EEG yesterday and she was SOOO good for it. I might have gone off the deep end if we had had to restrain her like they thought we would. The technician thought the test looked good but we still have to wait to hear from the doctor. Feeling good about things though. Just wish I would stop seeing it in my head.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

When Bad Things Happen

My Kenai had a seizure this morning. She is okay now but we're not sure why she had it yet or if she will have more. For now she is sleeping with us...except she's not much into cuddling and had to go to sleep in her own bed before we could sneak her into ours. Totally backwards right?! Some tests to do still but most likely it is just one of those weird things and she won't have any more or it's epilepsy. Seems we won't know more than that until she does or doesn't have any more.
Most of ya'll know I've been through my fair share of shit. Holding this vibrant angel while she went through this was the most terrifying and most awful and most...sickening thing. I couldn't stop crying while we waited for the ambulance and I called my sister and my boss while Jedd held Kenai. I looked up and saw Flipper holding her son so close to her and I knew how she felt. You know when you see something happen to someone else's child you have to hold yours a little tighter? It's a weird thing to see from the other side.
A good sermon from last week is actually helping me through this. It was about courage and how David had the courage to face Goliath. He recalled the times God had done things before and that brought him peace. I remember when I was 7 1/2 weeks pregs with Kenai and woke up bleeding. For days (holiday weekend, couldn't get an ultrasound) I was numb; hoping she wasn't, but certain she was, gone. He came through for us then and I can't describe the feeling of seeing her little heart beating so strong. I'm hanging onto that right now and I feel sure (now that she's out of the seizure and I'm not wondering if she'll die) that we will be able to handle whatever this turns out to be, even if it turns out to be something. I have peace I know only comes from God...though I'm still not sure I'll be able to sleep tonight.