Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Healing

For about two weeks now I have been feeling...oh, what's the word...PMS-y? I feel like crying all the time, which is just. so. annoying. I'm sure there's some hormone crap taking place. I've been working hard to get my milk back in since it all but disappeared with the gall stones. It's just now showing signs of returning. And to think I almost gave up earlier this week.
So I'm already terribly weepy and then this tragedy strikes at Crossroads. I can't seem to adequately explain how I feel about this church. We don't even go there but it still feels like family. Our church has similar philosophies which may be part of it but I think it has more to do with my sister. Emily goes to Crossroads. It feels weird to say she "goes there". She's there like three times a week. She's been transforming herself this last year, thanks in large part to what she's found there. So I guess it's like extended family, the kind you actually like. I saw it on the news the night it happened and I was just stunned. It stuck with me the next morning as I wondered what all those people must be feeling. Nearly 5,000 people watched this young girl fall to her death. Of course they would cancel the show (we had tickets for Saturday). But Keri's parents didn't want them to cancel. They said Keri would want them to go ahead with the show. But there was just no way those performers could do it. Instead they did a more traditional (as traditional as Crossroads can do) Christmas Eve service. It was pretty amazing. There was no cheesy "In Loving Memory" thing. But when they got to the "magi" part of the story (Keri played a wise man) there were only two of them. I had spent the first part of the service looking up, wondering where she was when she fell, where she landed, what the audience did when it happened. After the song ended there was a standing ovation during which Brian (the minister) kept his back to the crowd. When the applause died out, he turned around and continued with the story. It was understated and beautiful. I'm still amazed the artists could get through it without crying, I sure didn't. Another thing that has stuck with me was something Keri's mom said to Brian. She said, "I don't want you to think that Keri died in your church. I don't want you to walk into your sanctuary and think that she died here. She ascended into Heaven here in your church." Still gives me chills to retell it.
So lately there's been stab wounds (four! in my belly!) and pain but there's healing as well. That's always the way. Without the pain, you might miss out on the sweet grace of healing.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Yick

Gallbladder coming out in the morning. Wish me luck!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

We Did It!

Elliet and I got bundled up and braved the freezing rain to stand around downtown. We did it because "It's not fair that boys can only marry girls." That's Elliet's thought on the subject.


I am terrible at estimating crowd size so I'll have to update
once the numbers are posted elsewhere!
Victoria Wulsin, I like you better now

Margaret Cho was funny with her protest song.

My favorite sign

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Margaret Cho?

So, apparently she is in town for a show at the Taft and will be attending the protest here. I'd be lots more excited if I was at all familiar with her stuff. But still, that's pretty cool!
Also, what kind of sign do you make for this? I will likely just show up lame-o sans sign but if I were to make a sign...

Wrong Wrong Wrong

They're saying someone sent white powder to Mormon temples in Utah and California. I really hope they discover it's not related to Prop 8. But I'm not holding my breath.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Image Your Googles

Google your images...
I was tagged by Bethan. Image search your answer and use an image off the first two pages of results!

My age












Place I've Been












Place I Want to Go (I just typed "Place I Want to Ho" 3 times before I got it right...)














One of My Favorite Places














Favorite Object













Favorite Food










Favorite Animal




















Favorite Color




















Birthplace




















Current Place of Residence













Current Pet(s)








Past Love













Best Friend







Nickname










First Name













First Job














What I'm Doing Now














Who I Tag (I'll put your names in the comments)

















































Sunday, November 09, 2008

Yes We Can Will!

The election is over but the movement is not. Campaigning for Barack Obama turned into something bigger and now it's time to figure out what we are going to do with all that momentum. Sometime late in the campaign we realized that this was more than just an election. This was bigger than Barack Obama. This was people coming together to effect change. Not just a change in the White House or a change of parties. It became a movement for change initiated by the people. And then it happened. We did it. After feeling like our government had been taken from us, we took it back. After years of being told what was good for us, we said, loud and clear, that we will make that decision ourselves.

With this success comes the commission of our awesome responsibility as Americans. We can't let this movement stall or we risk stagnation. Keep going, keep advocating, keep working in your communities. For me, this is as frightening as it is exciting. "An Open Apology to Boomers Everywhere" helped me understand some of my feelings. My parents were very active in politics when I was a child. I assumed my aversion to "getting involved" was simply the remnants of adolescent rebellion but what better rebellion than to be working for the opposition? So, what are you gonna do? I'm starting here:

Join the Impact is a national protest against California's proposition 8. This will take place at city halls all over the country on November 15th. Hey, if they're doing it here, they're probably doing it in your city as well!
I'm not sure how much of an impact this makes but I will not let my money fund hate. So check the list and think about what you buy. (I was surprised to see Bolthouse Farms...time to switch carrot brands!)

Monday, November 03, 2008

For Christie

My lovely SIL, Christie, asked me why I'm voting for Obama. She was brave enough to publicize her reasons for voting the other way so I figure I can do as much.
Then there's this other blogger, Mrs. Flinger who challenged readers to do some research and post their reasons for choice of candidate. So this is sort of for her as well.


One reason-Diplomacy
The war in Iraq is wrong. Barack Obama knew that from the start. He has said (and been criticized for saying it) that he will use diplomacy first when dealing with potentially volatile leaders. I trust Obama to avoid war when possible. This is also one part of how he can rebuild our global reputation. This is important to me. We can't keep saying we're the greatest nation if we are no longer respected by our peers. I trust Obama with this because I think he's proven himself during this campaign. He remained level-headed throughout this season while everyone and their plumber was hurling insults.

Another reason-Education
No Child Left Behind is failing our students. Obama's plan addresses this problem as well as class sizes, better teachers and early childhood education. He's not in favor of vouchers and from the little I've read, neither am I. Make public education better so that everyone has a chance. Leave private schools private.

Another reason-Health Care
My family is lucky. Jedd has a good job with decent health benefits so we are not faced with bankruptcy following Kenai's surgery. In less than a year our insurance company has paid well over a quarter of a million just for her. Making sure that everyone can be covered means that families facing major illness won't lose everything fighting for their health.

There are other reasons of course and there are at least as many reasons I will not vote for McCain. I know that there is a "yeah, but" for each of these things. I assure you, I've considered them all and would be happy to counter them in the comments or by email.
Hope is not a bad thing. Allowing someone to inspire you to hope is not drinking the kool-aid. Hope ignites people's passion to do better. Barack Obama makes me want to do more. He inspires me to be a better citizen.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

My Measly Contribution

Let me start by saying that this terrifies me. I haven't figured out why but I've been filled with dread ever since I decided to write this. It may very well be that I'm afraid of what people will think of me. Or it may be that I'm afraid that my thoughts and feelings will look stupid once I've written them down. Whatever the reason, the fear makes me more determined and Write to Marry Day (click the icon) gave me the push I needed. Here's why I am passionately in favor of legal marriage for homosexuals.
A few years ago this issue started pressing on me. The proposals to define marriage on the 2004 ballots forced me to finally figure out what I believed. So I studied. I read everything I could find on what the Bible really says about homosexuality. I studied and I prayed and I pondered. I already knew how I felt about the issue but I needed to figure out how that lined up with Scripture. I came to the conclusion that homosexuality is not a sin. I don't care to regurgitate all the info here but I would encourage you to do the research if you are curious.
Here's the thing. If I had done all the searching and studying and praying only to find that homosexuality really is a sin...I would still be in favor of gay marriage. It is absolutely clear to me that this is a civil rights issue. There are families out there, families that look a LOT like yours and mine, that are not allowed to call themselves families. There are children who are barred by law from the stability of having parents who are married. My heart aches for all the people out there who are being told they deserve less than the rest of us.
I've heard that some people oppose gay marriage because they believe homosexuality is a sin. I have a hard time understanding this because it seems contrary to what Christ taught us about sin; specifically what He taught us regarding our response to other people's sin. He got on the religious leaders of his day for the rigidity and hypocrisy of the rules they enforced and they were religious leaders. It is not my job to enforce the rules.
I've heard that some of these people oppose gay marriage because they are afraid that churches will be forced to perform same-sex weddings. I don't want to belittle anyone but that really is just ridiculous. Catholic priests still only marry Catholics and will not marry divorcees. This argument also makes the assumption that people would want to be married by someone who does not recognize the marriage. This demonizes the very real human beings who just want to be married to the person they love.
These are the two arguments I have heard. I don't know if there are others. I sincerely hope that by the time my girls are teenagers they will scoff at the idea that there was a time when gay people weren't allowed to get married. I will continue to pray that my children will be allowed the same rights as everyone else no matter what their orientation.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

The Phone Call

St Hello?
Auntie Your kid is weird
St Uh oh, I don't want to know. Which one?
Auntie Kenai
St Do I want to know? I don't want to know. Why, what did she do?
Auntie We were watching tv and she got up on my lap and started putting her finger in my face. I couldn't figure out what she was saying. I thought she had a boo-boo so I tried to kiss her finger.
St Oh no
Auntie She pulled it away and said, 'NO! SMELL my finger.'
St Oh my god. I don't know where ---
Auntie So I did...

You can guess the rest of their conversation. Something like, "Ew! Where was your finger?!" "My Butt!"

Thursday, October 23, 2008

More Video

I'm gonna go see if Hulu has The Andy Griffith Show...

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

Clever

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Don't Go Petting Her Dog

Kenai and I are watching a video of Ireland that Brad sent:

Me: Look, it's Ireland!
K: That's my Ireland!
Me: Yep
(A hand enters the frame, petting the dog)
K: That him's daddy?
Me: Yeah, that's Ireland's daddy. That's Brad
K: (pause) I don't like him

Friday, October 17, 2008

The First 5

The day starts around 7:30. Wake with a start when Kenai starts screeching to "watch something". Call Jedd to see what time the baby ate. Good, she's not hungry yet. Get the kids up and give them breakfast. "Bagel or cereal? No, you can't have candy. Bagel or cereal? You're not having popcorn. BAGEL OR CEREAL?!" Feel simultaneously irritated and proud when I remember to give Kenai her medicine. Look at me remembering things. Hey! I have time for a shower! Give the kids strict instructions to finish eating, drink all their OJ and get dressed IN THE CLOTHES I PICKED OUT. Jump in the shower, use the kids 2 in 1 shampoo to save time, skip shaving anything. Suit up. Corralling these G cups into a nursing bra with nursing pads in place should have been covered in pregnancy and birthing classes.
It's time to get Elliet to school. Get the baby up and changed and strapped in to the carseat. Get Kenai's shoes on her feet. You've GOT to be kidding! Take her shoes and pants off and change her pull-up. Lose any ground we had in the potty training by yelling at her, "POOPS GO IN THE POTTY!"
Out to the car feeling pround to have remembered all 3 kids and Elliet's school bag.
Back home, plop Kenai in front of PBS despite silently swearing that she'd do a real activity today. Nurse the baby. Change clothes after baby pees through diaper and all over you. Change the baby. Make coffee and have a bowl of cereal. Whoa! It's time to get Elliet from school!
Pick up tacos because digging the bologna out of the pack is too damn hard today. Get home, set the kids up with lunch. Nurse the baby. While changing the baby, finally notice Kenai saying, "Mooommmmyyyy, I need chaaaaanged." OH. SHIT. She's wearing underwear. "I poooooped." Oh. Shit. Lift her off the chair, pee sloshes onto pants and shoes. MY pants and shoes. Remove said pants and shoes. Clean the kid. Clean the floor. Clean the chair. Oh, right, clean SELF. Go find yet ANOTHER pair of pants to wear. Give up and put on pajamas. No way are we leaving the house again today.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

All Politics Aside

No, I don't like her. Friends and family members say to me, politics aside, "isn't she cool?"
Nope. We have NOTHING in common. I don't hunt and I don't know a single other woman who does, even within our family of hunters. I don't like hockey. I will not judge her (at least out loud) for her parenting decisions but they are not mine, not even close. I do like Tina Fey and she does look a little like Tina Fey. However, if you know me very well, you know that I like Tina Fey because of her scar. And because she's funny. So nothing there.
I love pit bulls but I don't wear lipstick.

Friday, September 26, 2008

OH MY GOD THE HELLLL

I FORGOT TO POST A PICTURE
If you don't read Dooce, this post is where I got the title from, I can't stop saying it. Out loud in my head in Heather's accent...

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Uh...I Told You This, Right?

I had the baby. Like a week ago. I'm sure I mentioned this already. No? Oops.
In case there is a soul out there that reads this but not my kids' blog, MySpace or Facebook. I had the baby last Wednesday, 9/17 around 7:30 in the evening. She was 8 pounds, 3.7 ounces and 22.25 inches long. Her name is Ziva Arie.

Ziva, as in:






And Arie, as in:

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Check Her Out

I've been trying to compose a post about Kenai for a few weeks now. I don't get very far because there's so much to say and because I don't know what to say. Sometimes, it's just "I'm worried" Sometimes it's boring details of why I'm worried. Sometimes it's paragraphs about how worried I am. I need to get it down because it's kind of eating up my insides and hell, maybe I'll blame it for holding the baby in...you know, your body will avoid labor if you have too much tension.

The worry started when we enrolled her in preschool. I think I mentioned this already but they said she had to be potty-trained. So, we pulled her enrollment. The school was great about it and we'll try again in January. Then it was time to get her back in to therapy so we spent a lot of time talking with her original PT who was leaving. As uncomfortable as he could make me (hello, touchy feely guy) he was so, SO good at what he did. He's leaving Children's to go to the VA in a nearby city. He saw issues with Kenai that we didn't see and may never have noticed, who knows. Not only that but he contacted her neurologist and neurosurgeon about what he saw. His last week at work I saw him twice while we were there with speech and OT. Both times he went out of his way to come and talk to me about Kenai and our concerns. He is just one of those stand-out professionals and now that he's leaving I realize just how grateful I am for the short two months she had with him.

Fantastic PT's concerns have set off some real concerns with Kenai's doctors. They wanted to see her right away. We went to see the neurologist and they wanted an MRI and xrays of her neck. Something about something maybe "didn't take" I didn't ask for clarification because I'm SURE (cough) she's fine and don't want to freak out unless there's really a problem. So we had xrays done the next day and she's scheduled for an MRI this week.

The problem she's having is that she is a bit weaker on her right side and clearly prefers her left. When Fantastic PT first mentioned this, I thought he was looking for things because I didn't see it. Then Jedd took Kenai back last month and Fantastic PT brought it up again. This time Jedd saw it. Then I watched her more closely and I saw it. Then it became incredibly obvious. I have a video I won't post because...YAWN, but it shows her playing ring around the rosey with Elliet. First they go to her left and she's leaping around the rosey. Then we ask them to go the other direction and she can barely do it. She ends up standing in place while Elliet spins her around. After a little practice she can do it but she's watching her right foot the whole time. Clearly there's a problem. It could be something easily corrected with PT and Fantastic PT assures us he's happy with Kenai's new PT. Apparently it could also be something not easily corrected hence the minor freakout by her doctors.

When we saw the neurologist (actually his NP) she said Kenai's neck is incredibly tight (something I hadn't missed but didn't really know what to do about) and is causing her quite a bit of pain. This could be why she's favoring her left side. At her age, kids tend to just compensate for whatever pain they have and keep on going. So for now she's taking ibuprofen everyday and valium when we go to PT. Hopefully we can relax a bit when we get the results of her MRI.

All this is on top of the day to day worries I already have for Kenai. She's awkward around other kids and not the quickest learner which is fine with ME but what's school gonna be like for her? She's got other giftings of course. She's one of the silliest kids I know and loves to have fun. Some of the things she does that are awkward are also adorable and funny. Just ask anyone she's licked. And she's got endless imagination. Check out this photo of her performing an ultrasound on me. She's only been in with me once or twice and that was weeks ago. We frequently ask ourselves, "where did she get that from?"

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

A Good Reason to Come for a Visit!


WHAT A BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF HEARTACHE

Here’s the skinny folks. The first night, we are going to delve deeply into the early recordings which include Till We Have Faces, Patience, Eve, Good Dog Bad Dog, and our first Christmas record, The Darkest Night of the Year. We will enlist the help of various musicians and guests for this first evening, but are very excited to announce that Ric Hordinski and Brian Kelley will be joining us to revisit many of the early songs which launched our career.

(from the Over the Rhine update letter, bold letters mine!)


I feel like there is electricity in my veins right now, I'm SO excited. Tickets go on sale Friday.

Hello, Sarah!
Congratulations! Your baby is full-term!

She's ready. I'm ready. Doctor says two more weeks. Heading to the natural foods store for herbs and castor oil. No more trying to inject myself in the McDonald's playland. This baby is coming out. Soon. Or I'm making myself even more miserable for the next two weeks. Time will tell.
I'm glad to be getting ready for labor right now. Such a welcome distraction from BLEH, FREAKING POLITICS!! My great hope is that I'll be in a dream-like, baby-sniffing alternate reality right up until November 4th. Then I'll drift into the polls wearing new baby, cast my vote and go back to sleep until the official counts are all finished!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Needles

Finally saw the endocrinologist today. I was supposed to see him when I first failed my 3-hour glucose test back in...May? I didn't. I just could not face the idea that this whole "type 2" thing is real. Turns out I really should have gone sooner (I know. Shock) If this baby comes out lopsided I'm gonna have some mommy guilt that goes way beyond the beer I had last night.
I had gestational diabetes with both of my other pregnancies and it was easily controlled with diet alone. This time, my numbers never looked great and started getting worse around week 30. The OB gave me some oral meds but we've had to steadily increase the dose and it seems to be incredibly unreliable. This week brought a combination of challenges that led me to feel like it didn't matter what I ate. Plus, Walgreens put out the candy corn. So you could say I fell off the wagon.
Elliet started Kindergarten. I'm really excited about her being in school and she loves it. She's in a great co-op program with only nine kids in her class. The only time I teared up was when Kenai started crying (see the video on the kids' blog) and then again when Jedd and I looked through the pictures later. Someone should tell that guy that "How could you leave her there, you heartless bitch" isn't as funny when your wife is 36 weeks pregnant. Nothing is.
The real problem with Kindergarten though, is getting up early and trying to balance school with the three *plus* doctor appointments Kenai and I have each week. Kenai is back in therapy every Wednesday. She has graduated from OT and speech (!) so will start next week just doing PT.
This balance was lost today when I saw the endocrinologist and he decided I needed to be on insulin. Jedd had to leave work (and take 3 conference calls from home) so I could go back and learn how to inject myself. As sucky as the whole thing is, I wish I had seen this guy a whole lot sooner. I could have had my numbers under control this whole time. I could have even eaten an actual carb with my breakfast. Really, for three months I ate nothing but peanut butter on wheat toast, even Ezekiel wheat toast. Suddenly, my sensitive pancreas couldn't deal with that bread anymore. So eggs every morning it is. This week I started wondering if I should hard boil a few so I have something to grab when I need to eat in the car. My mistress, cold cereal, still being taboo, insulin does mean real breakfast again. The injection is nothing at all. I inject myself four times a day. The extra testing I have to do (SIX times a day!) is far worse.

Preggy Pic

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Friday, July 25, 2008

Sit Around and Drink

I'm home. So that's good news. Baby's still inside. Also good news. My fluid level had gone down to 1.6cm...really bad. Today they were up to ~9cm. That's a significant increase but still borderline. So I'm going in twice a week for level checks, drinking enough water to float the Titanic, and I'm on bedrest. Ah, the dreaded bedrest. I've never had it before but I've heard the tales. I guess it's not the strictest kind of bedrest. I wish they had given me some sort of comprehensive list of what not to do. As it is, she said I don't have to be chained to the bed but no grocery stores or other running around. "Spend as much of your time as possible sitting with your feet up." (cue evil Dr laugh) I mean, how do I know how much is too much? I would rather err on the side of caution but I don't know how what with the two kids plus housal responsibilities. I'll figure it out, or I should say we'll figure it out. Jt's really laid back about the whole thing and thinks he can rearrange his work schedule to help out.
It may not sound like it but I am so relieved that things are still okay, I really don't want her to come early (obvious much?). It freaks me out even though she'd probably be fine in the long run. I can't stand the thought of leaving the hospital while she's still there. So let's hope she stays put for...oh, about 7 more weeks! And in return, I'll stay put as well.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Just after you Acknowledge it...

Okay, first thing to know. This is not Sarah...it's Jedd.

Second thing to know. Sarah is in the hospital.

Why is it that as soon as you think things are going well...something always happens to bring you down off your cloud. Maybe I'm a pessimist.

So, in the post below Sarah shared that the ambiotic fluid that was low had in a weeks time risen to 13...a good number. From our reading anything over 5 is acceptable as not dangerous, however, our OB likes to see it at 10 or above. Sarah went back in today to have it checked again (just to be on the safe side) and she scored a 1.6. Not good...not good at all! They sent her straight to the hospital and filled her with several bags of fluid with more to come through the night. They are keeping a monitor on the baby and will do another ultrasound in the AM to see where things stand. We are both hopeful...we really don't know what else to be as we don't quite understand the up and down nature of ambiotic fluids. The doctor didn't think there was a leak so where did the fluids go???

Anyway, if she gets to come home tomorrow...she will update you...if not...she will make me bring her lifelife, er..I mean the laptop...to her and she will still update you.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

When you got so much to say...

It's called GRATITUDE (Beastie Boys, anyone?)


BEFORE
You can see the extreme curve on the right...that's her vertebre. The part on the left is some extra pieces that aren't growing. Instead, they act as a tether, causing the curve to get worse and worse.

















AFTER
The side view is even more strange as you can see the screws from the side, threads and all.














Last Week:
Amniotic fluid measures ~9cm
(borderline)

This Week:
Amniotic fluid measures ~13cm
(fine!)


This month last year:
Kenai had her first seizure. Thinking about that day makes leaves me shaking.

It was a lazy weekend morning. The girls were on my bedroom floor picking up something they had spilled. Elliet starts complaining, "Kenai, get OFF of me!" I lean over the side of the bed where I see Kenai facedown in Elliet's lap with her bottom half under my bed. I start to pull her off. At first I think she's resisting because she's being a butt because it's Kenai, she does that sort of thing. Then, I realize she's not bending herself to get her legs out. Mommy-mode kicks in and I jump off the bed so I can slide her out more carefully.

Her whole body is rigid and she's making that sound. It's a sound you know if you've ever observed this kind of seizure. Apparently it's a sound you could mistake for choking, as Jedd did. I yelled for him, "Call 911, she's having a seizure." I laid her on her side on my bed and watched her mouth turn blue. Jedd came in the room and I don't think he understood. He thought maybe she was choking. "No, it's a seizure, tell them she's having a seizure."

I don't know how he feels but I still don't understand. Choking would have made some sort of sense. Seizures don't, they never did, they still don't. It's not something you get used to, just something you learn how to handle.

Once she came out of the seizure and she was crying, Jedd held her while I made some calls. I left a message for my boss since I had some things she needed for the morning service. I called my sister and she said she'd meet us at Childrens. The paramedics cleared her and said that since her vitals were fine we could take her ourselves if we preferred.

Two months pass, just long enough for us to relax and think maybe she's fine.

September. We think she has a seizure during her nap. She goes to my office at the church with me to pick up a few things. She falls over backwards with a seizure. I hold her on my lap. Five minutes pass and she's still going. I call 911. I get our friend across the hall and he helps find my upurse while I wait at the front for the ambulance. Elliet and I get strapped in and watch them fumble around with the oxygen. They're waiting for something but I don't know what. Other emergency vehicles arrive. They're still fumbling around and I strongly suspect they are trying to look like they are doing something while they wait for whatever it is they are waiting for. I'm trying to track down Jt at a Red's game and finally get my sister to call her boyfriend who is there with him. I call my mom. Someone else arrives and he seems to be the one they were waiting for. They talk, we finally leave. She's gone on for about 12 minutes now. THANK GOD she was breathing the whole time.

I have a hard time remembering much else about last year. I know that I was working and still babysitting. I know Flipper and Jayden were living with us. I know I had mono. I know my dad broke his pelvic bone. I know he also performed CPR on my sister when she rolled off the couch during a seizure. I know all this, I jsut don't really have any memory of it. It's like those memories you have from being really young. Their not really memories they just feel like it because you've seen the pictures and heard the stories.

Anyway...


This month THIS year:
4 months seizure-FREE. Not a one. This makes me feel like crying. When I think about where we were in March, not knowing if she would ever be okay...my GOD, my arms start to feel weak, like my heart is slowing down or something.


One of the things I don't remember well from last year is how Jedd and I got through it as a couple. I know we argued more than we do now. Most of that was over the houseguests though. Arguing is so foreign to us at this point that it feels really strange when it happens. Another thing to be really grateful for.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Crack-Speak

This was posted on Boobs, Injuries and Dr. Pepper. A fun non-mommy-blog...mommy blog that my friend Jenn showed me. Now, I pride myself on being able to decipher local ghetto-speak. Mostly because Jedd can't, like, at all. But this lady had me stumped for sure.
Watch for witness #2, you can't miss her.

I might hate you

It's true, I probably hate you right now. And your mom. I don't remember the last time I was this irritable. It's not just that I don't like you, I am also certain you never liked me to begin with. Call it the 30 week (b)itch if you will. Today, I decided to take the kids outside to swim.

This included applying sunscreen in lotion form to two wiggle worms because we ran out of the spray kind. Whoever invented that spray deserves a medal, or maybe a pint of Haagen Daaz. Our kids are gonna wonder why their parents all have skin cancer when it's so easy to spray yourself. We'll tell them about sunscreen lotions, cassette tapes and VCRs and they'll just laugh.

Two hours later I was apologizing over pizza and juice boxes. Nothing says "I'm sorry" like getting your own juice box. See, I feel guilty because they are having a boring summer. So I take them outside...sunscreen, swimsuits, towels, water, camera...oh yeah, guess I gotta get out of my jammies as well. Fifteen minutes later they want to go inside. So we go in, I put them in the shower with me. They get whiney becaused they want to play in the bath. They don't want to play in the pool, they want to play in the tub. It made me murderous feel angry.

From The Funky Stork

"The third trimester is generally when the weight becomes burdensome and the discomforts of pregnancy return. By the end of this trimester, your partner may be suffering from swollen ankles, fatigue, constipation and hemorrhoids. She may be uncomfortable with how she looks and with her limited mobility. Everything will become tedious: walking, standing and even sitting. Be patient and pick up the slack by helping out around the house more than ever."

I know he knows all these things already. He has to know that as much TMI as I'm already giving him, there's plenty more to be had. I mentioned the leak because it seemed pertinent to the discussion. See, my OB said my amniotic fluid is borderline...we have to check it again tomorrow to make sure it's not going anywhere. And see, at this point in a pregnancy, things start leaking. And see, we can't always tell exactly what it is that's leaking. See, it could be AF or it could be your usual...bladder issues.

But I haven't mentioned the other things. And there ARE. Other. Things.

My lovely partner needs a refresher course. Don't ever compare your normal tired/grouchiness with what I'm experiencing right now. I will hurt you. DON'T complain that you wake up every time I get up to go to the bathroom. If my trying to catapult myself out of bed 6-8 times a night bothers you...BITE ME. I know you are used to having the tv on while you fall asleep. I know that until now, it worked great for you when I rolled my eyes as you turned on the tv then waited until you were asleep so I could turn it off and try to fall asleep through your snoring. It's not working for me anymore. Get over it.

More from The Funky Stork:

"You need to realize that your partner does not have any control over this. She is flooded with hormones as her body works diligently to nurture and sustain a new life - your baby. Her hormones may make her weepy, irritable, exhausted and nauseous. Try to be patient and understanding. The worst thing you can do is fight back when she's cranky or rationalize with her when she is neurotic. You will only aggravate the
situation, which in turn will make her even crankier or more neurotic."

Only a week ago I was composing a mushy post about how great my husband is and how glad I am we managed to wed.

*****

Don't stress that baby!

The last few weeks I've been torn between taking care of the already-born family and taking care of New Baby. The AF thing is new but I've been having painful contractions since ~week 26. I have to lay down or at least sit and hydrate to make them stop. So of course, I've been vacuuming/rinsing dishes/scrubbing the toilet through the pain. Really, the house is not clean, I'm not trying to beat my previous gestational time of 39 weeks or anything. But just keeping it from gross requires doing some things I'm not sure I should be doing. And now, I could be losing fluid that the baby needs to, you know, LIVE. Let's just assume for now that it's going to remain borderline, maybe they'll have to pump saline up in there while I labor to prevent cord compression, but it won't get low enough to require an early birth. K?

Last week I got a call from someone I was friends with in high school. People who know me well know who she is, and they know why there's still a faint "M" scar on my ankle. Last year she and I exchanged some emails after a decade or so of no contact. She is not the same person. I know, who is the same person they were in high school? Still, I've retained some of my personality from those days and I suspect you have as well. Anyway, longish story short, she didn't want to speak to me ever again. I got no reason, just a weird "the Lord wants me to release you." Signed by her and her husband, a guy I've never met. So, I get this call...

Me:Hello? M___:Hi, how are you? Me:Um, fine. How are you? M___:So I'm calling because I'm in AA. Me:Ohhh M___:Yeah, so I'm on step 9 which is [...blah blah blah] and you're on my list of people I've harmed. Me:Huh.

I told her I can't meet her right now, maybe she can email. Frankly, I don't think it will be much different than the last time we spoke. I can't deal with that kind of emotional turmoil right now. She really, really hurt me. The thing is, I'm not even sure we would agree on what this "harm" she did me actually looked like. I'm pretty sure she still goes to _____ (weird church with giant Jesus in their lake) so...if that tells you anything.

*****

The pressure to get ALL THIS PAPERWORK together for the girls' school is super and includes doctor visits for both kids. Since the school is a co-op I have to have a doctor's note, a TB test and rubella titer as well. None of which can be done at the same place. Which is great because driving the 30 minutes to my OB every week or two hasn't been enough. It's also time for Kenai's neurology and allergy checkups. Time for Elliet's well-check (with shots). Time for Kenai to start back with Speech, OT and PT. Time for both girls to see the dentist. And way beyond time for me to see the dermatologist. Mom, Dad and sister have all had cancers removed in the last two years. I've got two spots I'm sure they will biopsy and lots of others they need to examine.

Then I got a letter from the school letting me know that Kenai has to be potty-trained.

Monday, June 23, 2008

New Digs

So we've made the switch. To a new church, that is. It happened quickly and not how I thought it would. I started researching area gay-friendly churches. Turns out there aren't that many (shock) around here. Of the five I found, four were major denominations that had way too much tradition/ritual and not nearly enough of a children's program. The fifth was an MCC which is it's own denomination of GLBT churches. I just couldn't see being in one of those tiny, storefront churches with maybe four other kids, ya know?
We did a lot of talking about what we really wanted in a church before this switch. Jedd sees non-discrimination as important but he wasn't convinced we needed a church defined by their GLBT policy. We were out 3 weekends ago and he suggested the Saturday night service at a larger church we attended before we had kids. We both liked the idea of having Sunday off so we got some Chik Fil A and headed over.
The kids program was ideal from drop-off to pick-up. When we picked them up they were excited and could tell us what they learned. Not just what story they heard but a concept they were able to grasp. The adult teaching was refreshing. Relevant, new and challenging. So we went back the next week. We liked it again. Then Jedd told me that they had donated money to a gay "fix-it" organization. This does not exactly match up with my values, to say the least. So, I really felt like, "shit, there's just no way around this." I did feel a little more hopeful when I learned that it was a one-time donation in 2005.
This week we went back on Sunday as they were finishing up their Summer of Service (SOS) program. The program itself is pretty amazing and definitely different than the usual Christian summer youth conferences. The minister shared some stories from the week and it was cool to see how these kids went beyond handing out water and washing cars to a real understanding of service. Really, the stories were exciting. Then he got to his last story. A group of about 20 or so kids who wanted to do a service project related to abortion. (Cue my inner nail-biter) So they bought a whole bunch of flowers and went to Planned Parenthood. Understand, this is a touchy issue for me. I believe that abortion ends the life of a human. I also believe the church hasn't done ANYTHING remotely helpful for the women facing this decision. I also love this clinic where I once had the gentlest pelvic exam by the nicest doctor and where we confirmed my first pregnancy.
So their idea was that maybe the staff could give the flowers to their clients. The staff said it was against policy. So the kids went outside and talked things over. They had decided to give the flowers to the staff. During their discussion they started to feel really awful about the high fences and other grand security measures. Why? Because they realized that these people had to come to work this way in large part because of Christians. They felt that was wrong. They decided to go in and apologize. APOLOGIZE. (Cue my outer bawling pregnant lady)
On the car ride home over to the mall I said, "Well, I'm sold." Jedd agreed and Elliet wanted to know what that meant. I told her that it meant we liked the new church (Bailey's church she calls it for her friend that goes there) and wanted it to be our church. "Oh, I'm sold too!"

Thursday, June 19, 2008

You Say Tomato

This tomato fandango is starting to feel like the writer's strike. I just want to watch a new show eat a tomato!
How does a tomato get salmonella anyway?
And, Red Squirrel? It does not fill me with confidence that you are the only ones still serving tomatoes on your (super-delicious) double deckers. Okay, so maybe I didn't feel confident pre-tomato either but still.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

OMGWTFSTALKERANXIETYSTRANGERDANGER!

Google Maps, Street View. So freaky. Maybe you all know about this already but I just heard about it today. It's making my skin crawl. Those are MY cars parked in front of my house!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Juvenile Pole Beans

They grow up so fast, don't they?
We've planted these pole beans, some carrots, cherry tomatoes and some heirlooms, zuccini and two random herbs--lime basil and chervil. I wanted cilantro because I like to make salsa, I got the lime basil to make the purchase an even dollar. Got home and she had given me chervil instead of cilantro.
It's a tiny corner of the yard that I hope to expand over time. Eventually I'd like a raised bed (the strawberries are in a pot on the table to avoid the bunnies). Our soil is pretty terrible and I'm not sure how the carrots will fare, likely crooked at best. I'm reading about Square Foot Gardening but I'm not completely sold on the idea.
I made a good effort toward composting but it's not together yet and now it's REALLY HOT, so we'll see.
Next up, I'm checking out Redsun Farm in Loveland. I LOVE that I could know where my meat is really coming from and how it was raised. Found redsun on the Cincinnati Locavore blog. I also want to do the chicken thing but only because I think it would be great fun! Thanks to the lovely E at Star Spangled Haggis for that article. E has also inspired Jedd and I to register as bone marrow donors. You should register as well, you know you should.

Monday, June 09, 2008

No. Way.

I thought what the surgeons did to Kenai was amazing. I mean, fishing out the bad pieces, putting in cadaver bone, adding all that hardware. Unbelievable.
But this? Light years ahead of that!

from MSNBC:
Medical marvel: Baby Macie Hope was born twice
The first “birth” was about six months into Keri McCartney’s pregnancy, when surgeons at Texas Children’s Hospital took the tiny fetus from Keri’s womb to remove a tumor that would have killed Macie before she was born.

(Found through Strollerderby)

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Baby Pole Beans



I read somewhere that the ants "tickle" the peonies open.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Monday, May 05, 2008

Environment

With Elliet starting school this fall, Jedd and I have been discussing public versus private in more earnest. We won't send her to private at this point...it's way too expensive but I struggle with what is best for her in the near future.
We have a niece and nephew in Christian school and I was actually opposed to Christian school for my own kids until I saw how other family members were doing with it. Any school brings with it some things I'm not ready for...like Hannah Montana and cliques and learning social skills in our slightly disfunctional society. When I think about public school, I remember the 3 years I spent working with kids in Price Hill. I know, that's a bit extreme since we'll have the kids in a better district. I'm just not sure how extreme it is in comparison. The kids I knew were all too familiar with sexual terms and adult pop culture. My niece asked about sex recently...she was trying to figure out how it works, why some kids look like their parents and some do not. Will my kids ask about sex the first time because they want to know why a boy on the bus was talking about blow jobs? I just hope they can retain a bit of their innocence through primary school.
The other conversation regarding schools for us was a result of this little bit on Mother Talkers. It's about how "progressive" dads still struggle with their own children being homosexual. It's a conversation we've had before, "what if." It strengthens my desire to find a gay-friendly church. I love the church we are in now and I can live with their position on homosexuality because, hey, we're not gonna agree on everything. I just started thinking that if my girls grow up in a community that views homosexuality not only as a sin but as the sin...what will that do to them if they are gay? So I'm thinking, their community basically consists of (extended) family, church and school. This basically started for us as a school conversation. It's one more reason to go public. But maybe it should be a church conversation.
My sister was baptized (!) this weekend. She goes to a great church and one that is considered a little more tolerant than most. However, one of her friends who attended the baptism is a lesbian. During the ceremony the minister interviewed a young guy who had fallen into a lifestyle of homosexuality and who was "being delivered" from it. The minister went on to talk about other people who had come out of the lifestyle. Errrg, how awkward. Now, I have no judgement about this kid, it's likely he was not gay to begin with. When I think about situations like this one I remember as well when Flipper brought a gay friend to church with her and the youth minister used the entire time to talk about homosexuality. What makes it worse is that he directed the discussion assuming no one there was gay. Flipper was devastated. I don't want that experience for my kids.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

The Incredible Shrinking House

So, did you hear that the housing market is in a bit of a slump? We had heard that too but we were not prepared for what our new (really great) realtor had for us. We might be able to sell our house for what we paid for it...if we're lucky. If we use a realtor, we won't break even.
I may have mentioned in previous posts that our house is 872 782 square feet. Baby #3 is coming in September. We actually thought we could survive a while that way but Elliet starts school this year and we are not diggin' this school district.
So...shit.
We're thinking we'll save/pay off debt and list in January. The market may not get better but it's the best time to sell and we'll have some money to bring to the table. It's gonna get tight around here! In more ways than one.

Monday, April 14, 2008

I've Been Tagged

The rules. - Link to the person that tagged you. - Post the rules on your blog.- Write 6 random things about yourself.- Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs. - Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.- Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

I got tagged. Caress tagged me.
I feel special to be tagged but now I feel pressure to come up with six things, yikes.

Thing #1
At 17 weeks pregnant I've lost nine pounds

Thing #2
I want to live "greener" and provide healthier food for my family but the little changes I've been making are never enough. The more changes I make the more changes I find I need to make. It's exhausting.

Thing #3
I feel guilty for having no desire to participate in the current Bible study. The only reason I may try and catch up is because I miss the girls.

Thing #4
My sister's dog is staying with us for a week. I think he and my dog just realized that they are opposite sexes...they're making me nervous.

Thing #5
I like having Gus here for (only) two reasons. One, Kenai is saying her g's alot which her speech therapist said she needs. Two, most of Elliet's smothering cuddles go to him...instead of me.

Thing #6
Burning Man and skydiving. Two things I thought really believed would be a regular part of my life that I've still only done once.

Katrien, Jenn, Amy, Christie, Leigh and Emily, consider yourselves tagged

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Girlfriends

I haven't been to Bible study but twice since before Kenai's surgery. Caress' third wedding anniversary reminds me that we've been in this group for nearly four years. This exchange is an itty-bitty part of the reason.

C: (describing her leaking basement) It's really wet down there.
A: (after a pause, in a quiet voice) That's what she said

Friday, April 04, 2008

Just to Acknowledge It



Robin Broxterman and Brian Schira were killed in the line of duty today. They were fighting a fire in the townshiop next to ours. I don't feel right letting the day pass as if everything is the same. I don't really KNOW any firefighters or have any claim to feel more effected than any other guy out there. It just feels heavy to me. These people are bigger than me because when I would run out, they run in. So I just didn't want to not say anything, I wanted to acknowledge that this terrible thing had happened.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Eek!

Our bathroom faucet just turned on by itself.
Okay, I think Elliet left it on and when the toilet stopped filling there was a rush of water to the faucet. Still, we were creeped out.

It's not that there's nothing to say...

I just feel so inarticulate lately.
The extra visits to the hospital really worked me over. The courage I felt going into surgery was stomped on by the seizures that took over a week later. These seizures lasted about three weeks, she was having episodes (the doctor likened them to infantile spasms) every 15 to 30 seconds. During this time, the Kenai we knew disappeared. Ten days in I still felt sure that she would come out eventually and that she would be okay. I was more worried she would fall and harm her newly restructured neck. Day 13 or so the bottom fell out and I wasn't sure anymore. Nothing changed, but...nothing changed. The day I realized I didn't really know if she was coming back I cried all day. I was there in the hospital, I cried in front of the doctors (something I highly recommend), I cried while we played and I cried when I rocked her to sleep. I got ahold of myself, actually found some peace reading scripture. Of course, she's fine now, not a single seizure since we've been home. She's going to speech, occupational and physical therapy and doing well. Still, this has shaken us.

Between the first and second hospital stays for seizures, I saw my OB and at my request, we did my glucose test. I was positive for diabetes which I expected because I had gestational diabetes with both previous pregnancies. What I didn't know was that it was too early for gestational diabetes...this is the real thing. This wasn't a big surprise since I knew I would get it if I didn't take care of myself (ie. lose weight). I did not think I would get it so early. The nurse I met with believes it was the stress that acted as a trigger. She also described the symptoms I may have been feeling and MAN, they were dead on. They were also very similar to the symptoms of depression. I had almost decided to go back on zoloft! A few more weeks here and I should be feeling much better. I'm into my second trimester now so that should help as well.
So I guess it's been rough but the future is looking bright, and there's a baby coming! Maybe I'll post about all the books I've been reading.

Friday, March 07, 2008

The Cruelty of an Ohio Winter

It's not endless snow and ice. It's not consistent temperatures in the teens. No, the true cruelty of an Ohio winter is the tease.


Monday: high of 70




Friday: high of 25