Thursday, April 03, 2008

It's not that there's nothing to say...

I just feel so inarticulate lately.
The extra visits to the hospital really worked me over. The courage I felt going into surgery was stomped on by the seizures that took over a week later. These seizures lasted about three weeks, she was having episodes (the doctor likened them to infantile spasms) every 15 to 30 seconds. During this time, the Kenai we knew disappeared. Ten days in I still felt sure that she would come out eventually and that she would be okay. I was more worried she would fall and harm her newly restructured neck. Day 13 or so the bottom fell out and I wasn't sure anymore. Nothing changed, but...nothing changed. The day I realized I didn't really know if she was coming back I cried all day. I was there in the hospital, I cried in front of the doctors (something I highly recommend), I cried while we played and I cried when I rocked her to sleep. I got ahold of myself, actually found some peace reading scripture. Of course, she's fine now, not a single seizure since we've been home. She's going to speech, occupational and physical therapy and doing well. Still, this has shaken us.

Between the first and second hospital stays for seizures, I saw my OB and at my request, we did my glucose test. I was positive for diabetes which I expected because I had gestational diabetes with both previous pregnancies. What I didn't know was that it was too early for gestational diabetes...this is the real thing. This wasn't a big surprise since I knew I would get it if I didn't take care of myself (ie. lose weight). I did not think I would get it so early. The nurse I met with believes it was the stress that acted as a trigger. She also described the symptoms I may have been feeling and MAN, they were dead on. They were also very similar to the symptoms of depression. I had almost decided to go back on zoloft! A few more weeks here and I should be feeling much better. I'm into my second trimester now so that should help as well.
So I guess it's been rough but the future is looking bright, and there's a baby coming! Maybe I'll post about all the books I've been reading.


  1. hey, I don't really know what to say, I just wish I could be there to hug you in person. you guys have been so brave through all kinds of craziness. I pray things feel much better soon. Love ya!

  2. Hang in there, sister. Hang in. You and the whole family are in my prayers.