Thursday, July 17, 2008

I might hate you

It's true, I probably hate you right now. And your mom. I don't remember the last time I was this irritable. It's not just that I don't like you, I am also certain you never liked me to begin with. Call it the 30 week (b)itch if you will. Today, I decided to take the kids outside to swim.

This included applying sunscreen in lotion form to two wiggle worms because we ran out of the spray kind. Whoever invented that spray deserves a medal, or maybe a pint of Haagen Daaz. Our kids are gonna wonder why their parents all have skin cancer when it's so easy to spray yourself. We'll tell them about sunscreen lotions, cassette tapes and VCRs and they'll just laugh.

Two hours later I was apologizing over pizza and juice boxes. Nothing says "I'm sorry" like getting your own juice box. See, I feel guilty because they are having a boring summer. So I take them outside...sunscreen, swimsuits, towels, water, camera...oh yeah, guess I gotta get out of my jammies as well. Fifteen minutes later they want to go inside. So we go in, I put them in the shower with me. They get whiney becaused they want to play in the bath. They don't want to play in the pool, they want to play in the tub. It made me murderous feel angry.

From The Funky Stork

"The third trimester is generally when the weight becomes burdensome and the discomforts of pregnancy return. By the end of this trimester, your partner may be suffering from swollen ankles, fatigue, constipation and hemorrhoids. She may be uncomfortable with how she looks and with her limited mobility. Everything will become tedious: walking, standing and even sitting. Be patient and pick up the slack by helping out around the house more than ever."

I know he knows all these things already. He has to know that as much TMI as I'm already giving him, there's plenty more to be had. I mentioned the leak because it seemed pertinent to the discussion. See, my OB said my amniotic fluid is borderline...we have to check it again tomorrow to make sure it's not going anywhere. And see, at this point in a pregnancy, things start leaking. And see, we can't always tell exactly what it is that's leaking. See, it could be AF or it could be your usual...bladder issues.

But I haven't mentioned the other things. And there ARE. Other. Things.

My lovely partner needs a refresher course. Don't ever compare your normal tired/grouchiness with what I'm experiencing right now. I will hurt you. DON'T complain that you wake up every time I get up to go to the bathroom. If my trying to catapult myself out of bed 6-8 times a night bothers you...BITE ME. I know you are used to having the tv on while you fall asleep. I know that until now, it worked great for you when I rolled my eyes as you turned on the tv then waited until you were asleep so I could turn it off and try to fall asleep through your snoring. It's not working for me anymore. Get over it.

More from The Funky Stork:

"You need to realize that your partner does not have any control over this. She is flooded with hormones as her body works diligently to nurture and sustain a new life - your baby. Her hormones may make her weepy, irritable, exhausted and nauseous. Try to be patient and understanding. The worst thing you can do is fight back when she's cranky or rationalize with her when she is neurotic. You will only aggravate the
situation, which in turn will make her even crankier or more neurotic."

Only a week ago I was composing a mushy post about how great my husband is and how glad I am we managed to wed.


Don't stress that baby!

The last few weeks I've been torn between taking care of the already-born family and taking care of New Baby. The AF thing is new but I've been having painful contractions since ~week 26. I have to lay down or at least sit and hydrate to make them stop. So of course, I've been vacuuming/rinsing dishes/scrubbing the toilet through the pain. Really, the house is not clean, I'm not trying to beat my previous gestational time of 39 weeks or anything. But just keeping it from gross requires doing some things I'm not sure I should be doing. And now, I could be losing fluid that the baby needs to, you know, LIVE. Let's just assume for now that it's going to remain borderline, maybe they'll have to pump saline up in there while I labor to prevent cord compression, but it won't get low enough to require an early birth. K?

Last week I got a call from someone I was friends with in high school. People who know me well know who she is, and they know why there's still a faint "M" scar on my ankle. Last year she and I exchanged some emails after a decade or so of no contact. She is not the same person. I know, who is the same person they were in high school? Still, I've retained some of my personality from those days and I suspect you have as well. Anyway, longish story short, she didn't want to speak to me ever again. I got no reason, just a weird "the Lord wants me to release you." Signed by her and her husband, a guy I've never met. So, I get this call...

Me:Hello? M___:Hi, how are you? Me:Um, fine. How are you? M___:So I'm calling because I'm in AA. Me:Ohhh M___:Yeah, so I'm on step 9 which is [...blah blah blah] and you're on my list of people I've harmed. Me:Huh.

I told her I can't meet her right now, maybe she can email. Frankly, I don't think it will be much different than the last time we spoke. I can't deal with that kind of emotional turmoil right now. She really, really hurt me. The thing is, I'm not even sure we would agree on what this "harm" she did me actually looked like. I'm pretty sure she still goes to _____ (weird church with giant Jesus in their lake) so...if that tells you anything.


The pressure to get ALL THIS PAPERWORK together for the girls' school is super and includes doctor visits for both kids. Since the school is a co-op I have to have a doctor's note, a TB test and rubella titer as well. None of which can be done at the same place. Which is great because driving the 30 minutes to my OB every week or two hasn't been enough. It's also time for Kenai's neurology and allergy checkups. Time for Elliet's well-check (with shots). Time for Kenai to start back with Speech, OT and PT. Time for both girls to see the dentist. And way beyond time for me to see the dermatologist. Mom, Dad and sister have all had cancers removed in the last two years. I've got two spots I'm sure they will biopsy and lots of others they need to examine.

Then I got a letter from the school letting me know that Kenai has to be potty-trained.


  1. Phew! Sounds like your plate is full these days. Anything I say will sound annoying, so I'll just leave it at I'm thinking about you! :)

  2. Good God! I'm going to stick w/ only having a dog for several more years.

  3. Ok. This is the funniest post ever! I was dying because I knew EXACTLY how you felt!

    Does the school understand that Kenai could be delayed because of the extensive surgery and recovery she's had? I would bring it up. They're childhood development folks, they should understand. If they don't, they're dirty bastages.

  4. Yeah, I think I could talk to them about it, especially since she's there less than 3 hours at a time.