Wednesday, July 23, 2008

When you got so much to say...

It's called GRATITUDE (Beastie Boys, anyone?)

You can see the extreme curve on the right...that's her vertebre. The part on the left is some extra pieces that aren't growing. Instead, they act as a tether, causing the curve to get worse and worse.

The side view is even more strange as you can see the screws from the side, threads and all.

Last Week:
Amniotic fluid measures ~9cm

This Week:
Amniotic fluid measures ~13cm

This month last year:
Kenai had her first seizure. Thinking about that day makes leaves me shaking.

It was a lazy weekend morning. The girls were on my bedroom floor picking up something they had spilled. Elliet starts complaining, "Kenai, get OFF of me!" I lean over the side of the bed where I see Kenai facedown in Elliet's lap with her bottom half under my bed. I start to pull her off. At first I think she's resisting because she's being a butt because it's Kenai, she does that sort of thing. Then, I realize she's not bending herself to get her legs out. Mommy-mode kicks in and I jump off the bed so I can slide her out more carefully.

Her whole body is rigid and she's making that sound. It's a sound you know if you've ever observed this kind of seizure. Apparently it's a sound you could mistake for choking, as Jedd did. I yelled for him, "Call 911, she's having a seizure." I laid her on her side on my bed and watched her mouth turn blue. Jedd came in the room and I don't think he understood. He thought maybe she was choking. "No, it's a seizure, tell them she's having a seizure."

I don't know how he feels but I still don't understand. Choking would have made some sort of sense. Seizures don't, they never did, they still don't. It's not something you get used to, just something you learn how to handle.

Once she came out of the seizure and she was crying, Jedd held her while I made some calls. I left a message for my boss since I had some things she needed for the morning service. I called my sister and she said she'd meet us at Childrens. The paramedics cleared her and said that since her vitals were fine we could take her ourselves if we preferred.

Two months pass, just long enough for us to relax and think maybe she's fine.

September. We think she has a seizure during her nap. She goes to my office at the church with me to pick up a few things. She falls over backwards with a seizure. I hold her on my lap. Five minutes pass and she's still going. I call 911. I get our friend across the hall and he helps find my upurse while I wait at the front for the ambulance. Elliet and I get strapped in and watch them fumble around with the oxygen. They're waiting for something but I don't know what. Other emergency vehicles arrive. They're still fumbling around and I strongly suspect they are trying to look like they are doing something while they wait for whatever it is they are waiting for. I'm trying to track down Jt at a Red's game and finally get my sister to call her boyfriend who is there with him. I call my mom. Someone else arrives and he seems to be the one they were waiting for. They talk, we finally leave. She's gone on for about 12 minutes now. THANK GOD she was breathing the whole time.

I have a hard time remembering much else about last year. I know that I was working and still babysitting. I know Flipper and Jayden were living with us. I know I had mono. I know my dad broke his pelvic bone. I know he also performed CPR on my sister when she rolled off the couch during a seizure. I know all this, I jsut don't really have any memory of it. It's like those memories you have from being really young. Their not really memories they just feel like it because you've seen the pictures and heard the stories.


This month THIS year:
4 months seizure-FREE. Not a one. This makes me feel like crying. When I think about where we were in March, not knowing if she would ever be GOD, my arms start to feel weak, like my heart is slowing down or something.

One of the things I don't remember well from last year is how Jedd and I got through it as a couple. I know we argued more than we do now. Most of that was over the houseguests though. Arguing is so foreign to us at this point that it feels really strange when it happens. Another thing to be really grateful for.

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