Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Yes, Really

It's time. I've finally crossed the threshold from "skinny person carrying extra weight" to "fat person." I no longer feel like my skinny self dressed up in a fat suit. I feel like a fat person. I don't know what it was that got me here, I weigh the same as I did a year ago. It may be all the huffing and puffing I do just getting the kids in the car. It may be the way my throat feels all closey and my snoring is waking ME up. Maybe it's the plantar fasciitis (that shit HURTS!) Maybe it's the diabetes scare and all the needles involved with this last pregnancy.
I have made half-(and even three-quarter)hearted attempts at weight loss before. But see, I LOOOOVE to self-sabotage. You know, just in case I was going to fail anyway.
So there are a few little things I'm doing:
Keeping healthier foods around
Jt and the kids don't need doritoes any more than I do. I love fish and I love vegetables but I HATE cooking. That is, I hate cooking with two kids underfoot and another who won't take her naps. I'm finding new recipes which has been fun and I'm trying to do more cooking ahead and prep work on the weekends. We made the big white flour switch a couple years ago. We only eat brown rice (except when I need basmati) and whole wheat pasta. For the pasta I like Bella Terra which I've found at local Biggs stores.
Drinking more water (and less other stuff)
Last year I swore off bottled water. I bought a PUR pitcher and (BPA-free) water bottles for the family. The bottles took some experimenting. I first bought Sigg bottles but I can't stand the feel of the metal. Jt liked his so I just switched me and the kids to Nalgene. They were great but mine broke (to be fair, it was dropped. A lot). So I've been drinking out of cups *gasp* and buying the occasional case of water. And feeling really crappy about all that plastic. I ordered a new bottle, this time a Camelbak (without the bite valve). I really did drink a lot more water when I had my Nalgene so I hope having a special bottle again will help.
Focusing on my crazy what I'm feeling
As much as I hate to admit it, I'm thinking about something Oprah talked about during her Best Life series. It was something about how when you want to eat (out of stress etc) you need to think about what you are really hungry for, what's missing. Someone else told me recently that she experiences anxiety as hunger and that made so much sense to me. So in the afternoon when Ziva won't sleep, and the other two are all, "moooommmmyyy, mooommmmmmyyyyyy, MOOOOMMMMMYYYY!!!" and I sit down with their Halloween Christmas candy, I ask myself if there is something else I need. Could this "hunger" be satiated with a quick shower? Calling a girlfriend? Getting those dishes out of the way? Locking the bathroom door and flipping through Real Simple for a few minutes? (NOT a reference to How I Met Your Mother! "Why do you need to read a magazine while you...read a magazine?")
This is the hardest one for me, as evidenced by the microwave burrito sitting in front of me right this very minute. This was my problem as a smoker as well. There was a certain time of day when I would sit down and smoke a whole pack in one sitting. Every day.
Here's the thing. I really enjoy exercise. Once I get started. I think that's probably the case with most of us. I like when things start to get uncomfortable and I have to really push myself to keep going. What I hate is all the putting on the sturdy bra, finding the gym shoes, getting all sweaty, making sure I have time for a shower before I have to be anywhere... But I'm feeling motivated and I'm excited to try out the 30 Day Shred that all the bloggers are doing.
I'll have to start tomorrow. My arms are sore from pumping up the fitness ball.


  1. honestly you are so funny. your blog hits so close to home it hurts. i too enjoyed a couple of Oprah's best life shows. i caught food and sex. i've been working at cutting out our nightly we-so-deserve-this adult dessert time. i think at least for me, I have it narrowed down to 3-4 times a week rather than 7 out of 7 nights. and then there's fast food. baby steps . . .

  2. that was me, Jeremy keeps using the family computer, gosh

  3. I'm really glad that was you...
    Also, maybe you should make it your nightly we-so-deserve-this adult dessert *ahem*

  4. so right, and then we'd knock exercise out too.