I am so terrified of failing at this endeavor that I'm giving myself a LOT of room for the little failures. I am one of those people who tends to turn the smallest offenses into major transgressions. Like I can't just have one Little Debbie, I have to go for the two cream pies plus some cinnamon hearts TKO. I feel like if I'm gonna cheat, I'd better make it worth it. Where "worth it" apparently means "nauseated". It's kind of like when I used to smoke and every time I thought about quitting I would smoke an extra pack or so that same night. Something in my brain is saying, "Let's get while the gettin's good!! woohooooo!!"
My brain also can't seem to make the connection between what I'm putting in my mouth right now and the fat that shows up a little later. This one time won't matter. It's not this one meal/heart attack in a paper bag that's gonna make you fat. Except it is and I just can't seem to internalize that concept.
My tendency to overeat feels like an addiction. I've experienced addiction before and I really think that this is exactly what I am dealing with now. Only they don't make a patch for this. Solutions tumble through my brain over and over (hypnosis, overeaters anonymous-do they have those?, accupuncture, whatever) and I've decided that I'm just going to try everything until I find the thing that works for me.
I tried the Shred and while I'm not giving up on it, it is not the right thing for me right now. So now I'm moving on to the YMCA. I toured the local Y on Saturday, the last day for "no joining fee". A couple of years ago I dropped about 25 pounds going to Curves. I like the workout but the hours make it impossible for me to get there. The Y has childcare! classes! a pool! This one even has an indoor waterpark and when the kids see it they will absolutely
So I don't think this is the last time I will fail. I will give up on more workouts, I will eat more than one treat in a sitting. But the difference for me now is that I will keep going. Each transgression is just a blip, just a small lesson not a reason to give up.