I had a bit of
vodka an anxiety attack yesterday after the baby's allergy testing. I already knew she was allergic to eggs so why the freak-out? Well, there was this, and there was three hours in the exam room, a shot in each thigh, and the doctor telling me she was at risk for anaphylaxis but not really at risk of dying from it so no need for an epi-pen. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that last part. She's also doing the whole freak-out-over-nothing-80-thousand-times-a-day-until-Mommy-thinks-you-hate-her thing. That didn't help.
I've also not been sleeping well. I wake up a few times each night absolutely terrified. While I'm still asleep I pound on Jedd or give him a good hard kick so that he gets up to check the house before I've caught my breath enough to tell him it's just...not a dream, really...I guess it's just my crazy. My heart pounds so hard I'm afraid it will explode. The adrenaline coursing through my body makes certain I won't fall back to sleep for a good long while. This really can't be healthy.
Saturday night Kenai was not given a snack at church because the teacher wasn't sure about her allergies. When I came to pick her up she was sitting at the table with her friends, terribly sad, the only one without a little cup of pretzels.
This morning before we went into the school Kenai said, "Mommy? When my teacher says, 'criss-cross applesauce'? I can't do that" Cue heartbreak.
The first hit in this TKO was last week in a parent meeting for her preschool class. The parents gather with the teacher, all of us in tiny chairs, to talk about the upcoming semester. One parent, we'll call her Ignorant, starts pitching a mini fit about following rules. She says that if the rule is that children sit, legs crossed, on their carpet squares then that is what they should do. The teacher explains that some kids aren't able to sit "criss cross applesauce" and different kids have different abilities and we really just want them engaged during circle time. Enter anxiety attack #1 of 2010. She meant Kenai. My baby can't sit cross legged like the other children. Heart pounding now, I hear Ignorant say "No! If it's a rule then they should just do it! We are the authoritarians!" Oh crap. Other parents are speaking up, "we don't want to turn it into a power struggle" "some kids can't really sit still for very long" I have to go, Kenai has to be at therapy in a half hour. I can't get into this. What the hell is her issue?! We just got done talking to the grandmother of another student about her options for diagnosis and IEP through the district. Ignorant just refuses to believe that some four year olds don't have the same abilities as her daughter. Thankfully, the teacher is kinda awesome and she sent home a letter yesterday letting parents know that we meet each child where he is and any discipline issues will be handled by her in a manner designed to show grace. Today, Ignorant was in charge of snacks. She brought popcorn with nuts in it. Kenai and her friend are both allergic to nuts and Ignorant KNOWS THIS. How about we just change her name to Bitch now, hmm?
So I've felt mostly sad all week. Which is why I haven't finished writing my story for you. I know you are DYING to find out what happens next but I don't have it in me to dredge up the old hurts while the new ones are still fresh. But it's coming. I also need to write this thing for Yummy Mommy who tagged me and put a little bit of awesome into this terrible day.
In the meantime, it's Official Delurker Day! It's a thing that someone invented. I guess it's a blog-thing that a blogger invented. Then Greeblemonkey made a
creepy neat little graphic and now it's the thing to do on January 14th, 2010. So show me your stuff, are you here? Speak up!