Saturday, April 24, 2010

Once More, With Feeling *trigger warning: cutting*

So. Per the homeschooling post we're doing awesome! But.
But I'm not so well. As in not-so-well.
I went back on meds and day five everything was suddenly "shiny new world, huzzah!" and then about 6 weeks later I crashed even harder than before the meds. I need to be honest here. I'm drinking to excess every night. Taking a mixture of pills as well. And cutting myself. There is a gash on my arm that I re-open most nights.
I finally got in to see my psychiatrist and he upped my meds and gave me a therapist referral. I saw the therapist and she way rocks. She's young, younger than me, and pretty and normal. My counselors have always been the kind who wear trousers and eat lots of canned food. She was incredibly supportive and she gave me hope like I haven't had in years. She gave me hope that maybe we'll find the truth and I'll heal and maybe this stuff will go away. Maybe one day there won't be a cycle, there will be an end.
I'll spare you the photos of my arm this time. You're welcome.

4 comments:

  1. Hey, I'm so sorry that things have gotten that far. I knew you were having a hard time, but my idea of "bad" was several shades lighter. Please call me if I can do anything. Or email, some times that seems to be easier. I don't know what I can do. But please know that I love you and hope with all my heart that things get better soon. I'm so glad you've found a new therapist that you connect with better. Sending lots of love and hope your way.

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  2. Thank you, Christie. Your words have brought tears to my eyes.

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  3. Sounds like you are going through a really rough time--and not for the first time. Hope this new therapist is the hope you need. Sending lots of good and healthy thoughts your way.

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  4. That's great that you found a therapist you like. And, I think it's really brave of you to take proactive steps. You're amazing. Do you need anything? I'll be happy to bring over dinner or whatever anytime this week (or anytime).

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