Well, I'm doing a smidge better. I haven't cut myself in three nights now but I did peel off a scab tonight. Then I drove to Kroger for cigarettes. I guess it feels like the lesser of evils right now.
See, what's happening is I'm supposed to be reading my journals from the last time I went through this. What did I learn? What is something that triggered me that we haven't figured out just yet? But I am so terrified to do that. If I read tonight? What will tomorrow be like? Today was hard enough what with being sleep deprived and probably hungover.
I don't know how to do this. I wish there was a right way to do this while you have small children. I want to get past this before they get too effected by my illness but I am afraid to go through this while I am in charge of their well-being.
I don't want to know what I'm dying to know.
6 years ago