I'm so tired. I'm tired right now. I'm tired all day. I'm tired all the time.
But I can't go to bed. If I went to bed right now I would read a bit or play a game on the iphone and I would fall asleep. So why don't I go? I'm tired (did I mention that?) and I don't want to be tired tomorrow, I've got a lot to do! But I find ways to stay up. For a few weeks it was drinking until I passed out. The last few nights I drink but not much. My stomach can't stand the thought of gin or vodka. Of course, that brings back the other compulsive behaviors. Eating being the main one. When I was drinking hard I was losing weight. Why the fuck can't I just go lay down?
I usually take Benedryl, that actually put me to sleep by 2 last night. My psychiatrist gave me Ambien and it did nothing at all. Isn't there something that can numb me for just a little while?
Shortly after writing this I took some benedryl and went to bed. First night in weeks that there was no cutting, second night in a row that I was not drunk. Maybe I'm getting Abilified.
6 years ago