Friday, May 07, 2010

I'm Tired **Updated**

I'm so tired. I'm tired right now. I'm tired all day. I'm tired all the time.
But I can't go to bed. If I went to bed right now I would read a bit or play a game on the iphone and I would fall asleep. So why don't I go? I'm tired (did I mention that?) and I don't want to be tired tomorrow, I've got a lot to do! But I find ways to stay up. For a few weeks it was drinking until I passed out. The last few nights I drink but not much. My stomach can't stand the thought of gin or vodka. Of course, that brings back the other compulsive behaviors. Eating being the main one. When I was drinking hard I was losing weight. Why the fuck can't I just go lay down?
I usually take Benedryl, that actually put me to sleep by 2 last night. My psychiatrist gave me Ambien and it did nothing at all. Isn't there something that can numb me for just a little while?

**Update**
Shortly after writing this I took some benedryl and went to bed. First night in weeks that there was no cutting, second night in a row that I was not drunk. Maybe I'm getting Abilified.

7 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry sweetie. I'm thinking of you.
    Benedryl can be a lifesaver for insomnia, but it can leave you feeling down the next day, so be careful.

    ReplyDelete
  2. When Jason was struggling with sleep the psychiatrist gave him Trazodone to help him sleep. It's an antidepressant, but one of the side effects is sleep. He did well with it. Slept hard. The best Antidepressant he's ever taken was Cymbalta. Abilify didn't do much for him, I actually think it made things worse. Still praying for you guys and thinking about you often. ((HUGS)).

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks to you both. The zoloft is my depression wonder-drug. Now if I could find one for anxiety. Clonazepam and xanax don't seem to do much. I'm not sure about the Abilify but I saw my psych doc today and he thought it was possible that it was responsible for these slightly better nights. So we are just going to wait a bit and see.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm glad things are looking up a little bit...Trazodone is very popular for sleep...it might be worth a shot.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Not sleeping is terrible. I'm an Ambien girl. I hate that I can't sleep without it.
    Thinking so much of you, and keeping you in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  6. How are you doing? Have you been sleeping over the last few days? I'm hoping....
    Jac

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'll post again even though I'm afraid it's getting old for a blog. Maybe someone out there will need to see someone else go through it you know?
    I'm actually doing better, not good, but better.

    ReplyDelete